I am so hard on myself sometimes. I think its time for a little positivity to lift my spirit!
As we are all so closely tied to our work and products, I too find myself joined at the hip with what I do. I really get attached to my kids and I truly want the best for them. There are some nut cases in my room that would drive any sane person up the wall (or so I have been told) but thank God I have been able to work with them.
God gave me patience. I thought I would never work with special ed. kids. I remember the day I got my roster and saw one name on it...DH! I thought I was going to dig a whole and die. I had seen him run wild with his second grade teacher. I was secretly hoping he would move out of the district...but no...he was on my roster. He was born with mental retardation and a form of dwarfism but the worst part was his defiance and outright refusal to do things. Hiding under the desk, in his shirt, throwing an unbelievable tantrum while 21 other kids watched me with the look "Whats she gonna do? Fail or make it?"
I have survived :) I know I survived because DH smiles at me every morning when I shake his hand. His other teachers tell me how good I am with him. My colleagues tell me they could not have handled him :) I do love him even on his bad days. I feel good about being his teacher.
Then I have BP. A lovely child, fair skinned, dark hair, and the thickest lashes you've ever seen on a child...but boy...behind that smile lurks the devil! He seethes with anger sometimes. He pushed my buttons just to see how much I could tolerate...and he pushed constantly. Nothing could intice him or motivate him. Turns out he can not read or write on grade level. Classic dyslexic. I know his problem is his inability to learn and perform. Once I understood that, I knew his bad behavior wasn't geared towards me (even though some days it felt like he was just out to get me). I tried to find things he was good at. He tried to hide things he was good at. I insisted on work. He insisted on hanging upside down. Slowly I learned to leave the work at his desk, and when he was ready, he would peak from under the table and try it. One day I got a Chinese fortune cookie "Accept what comes to you" and I taped it to my door above the pencil sharpner :) I started to accept him and realized his tantrums were more his way of working out something internally...if I let him be, he will come out of his tantrum. Then I accept him back without ridicule. I've learned that the objective is to get him to perform at his level and cooperate. That wont happen if I engage in a battle of words. I loose the minute I engage with a 9 year old :) Last year he was with an experienced teacher and I heard he took a turn for the worst.
There is still time for things to go bad...but for now this comment BP made to another teacher about me=
"I know my teacher loves me"....I know I succeeded some what. I feel happy now.
